Drama

Syracuse, NY —  A very real and public war of words is taking place between two gents in my graduate program. I’m not quite sure what to make of it. Is it uncalled for? Justified? You should decide.

The whole ordeal reminds of these two canines I met during  my adventures around Central New York.

One dog was a scruffy Pomeranian with a plaid collar. He was a west coast wanderer who missed home.  The other was a St. Bernard with a camouflage collar. He was from New England. They often missed obedience school for reasons unknown. Their paws were stained yellow from digging in the dirt.

I was driving home a couple weeks ago when I saw the Pomeranian sauntering down the street. I pulled over, opened the door and whistled. He jumped in. His tongue was out, his tail wagged. He was so excited, I could barely get his seat belt on. As we got closer to his home, his mood changed. His tongue rolled back in mouth and his tail went limp. He was somber. I stopped at a traffic light.

“What’s wrong, boy?” I asked. He looked blankly at me then out the window, then back at me.

“What boy?”

He looked back at the window and scratched at the door. Outside was a PETCO.

“No boy. You don’t need anything from there,” I said.

I dropped him off and haven’t seen much of him since. Rumor has it, he was in a scuffle with another dog. I think he was hit in the face. I’m not sure.

I do know that he and the St. Bernard have been scrapping. They are really going at it. It’s confusing because both of them are very alike. They both miss class, like dirt and love the ladies. The Pomeranian has been know to hump a leg or two in public. What a purebred.

They need to squash the doggy beef over a bowl Kibble’s ‘n Bits, and fast. If the dogcatcher gets wind of this, who knows what will happen.

- east coast paper boy

Tags: camouflage, canine, dogs, drama, graduate school, jerk magazine, jerks i know, Kibble's 'n Bits, new york, ny, petco, pomeranian, s.i. newhouse school of public communications, satire, squash the beef, st. bernard, su, syracuse, syracuse university