Syracuse, NY — When I was a resident assistant at the University of Connecticut I heard dozens of sex horror stories. One guy walked into his dorm to find his roommate boffing on his bed, butt naked. Another guy couldn’t sleep a wink because of the bed frame shuffle upstairs.
Well now I can relate.
Over the last few nights, I haven’t slept because of this incessant scratching noise I kept hearing in my apartment. At first I thought it was the refrigerator. Then I thought it was a tree branch outside my window. I had just about given up ingratiating when I heard the sound again this afternoon while watching last nights episode of “30 Rock.”
Turns out, it was my turtle.
That scratching noise was his long fingernails vibrating against the cheeks of a fake turtle figurine in the tank. The poor guy must think the figurine is a girl turtle he’d like to mate with. I just don’t have the heart to tell him that she’s not real.
Check out the video,
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7ojebp3pQ0]
- eastcoastpaperboy
Tags: 30 rock, animal, cannot sleep, flirting, marvin gaye, new york, ny, pet, red eared slider, sex, sleep, syracuse, turtle, vibrating claws against
Turtle porn on the East Side. Looks like your boy needs some lovin’ during these cold days. Be a good wingman, or shellman.